We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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