We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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