look no pants
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
