a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
