Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
