Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
