Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
