I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize
