if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
