im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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