So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you will always have a special place in my vag
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
