I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
