I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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