You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
