Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
