Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
