Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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