theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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