I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
