i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
