Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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