I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
The best revenge is premature balding
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
