It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
