my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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