okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
