Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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