well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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