we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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