Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
