Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
