Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
