Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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