I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
