at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Randomize
