She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
