considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
