Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
