My first STD was from a foam party
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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