You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
