I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
