it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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