As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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