So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
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