They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
