Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
