We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You ate ashes out of my bong
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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