just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
