I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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