the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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