he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
