When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
