remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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