angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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