Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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