this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Holy shit dude........stairs
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
